Peace! Kalilintad! Shalom!

Tag: Family Relationship

  • Parenting 101

    Parenting 101

    Decemember 26, 2021 – Feast of the Holy Family

    In our Wednesday novena to Our Mother of Perpetual Help, one intention we pray is that we may learn to adapt to our growing children. Parenthood, as we all know, is not only about raising children but also adjusting to our growing children. Thus, to parent a child is more than just caring for the growth of the children; it is also learning in the process, as children grow in maturity and age.

    Being Redemptorist missionary involved in parish, retreat, missions, and migrant ministry for many years, I became aware of the difficulties of parenthood. Difficult it is to adapt with life-changes, how much more adapting to growing children. In confessions and counseling sessions with faithful people, I become conscious of the hurts & pains suffered by both parents and children in their difficulties with parenthood. Parents hurt by their children’s disobedience, i.e., going against their will; children blaming their parents for their misfortunes in life. Sipmply because of our limitations in parenthood. Parenthood indeed is not an easy task, & rightly so that we pray to OMPH that we may learn from our experiences of adapting to the growth of our growing children.

    Today, we honor the Holy Family, the family who parent the child Jesus. Our gospel tells us that like any other family, the Holy Family also experienced the difficulties of parenthood. As parent, Joseph and Mary followed the proper traditions of raising the child Jesus. They did their best. But as we all know, they also experience how Jesus became disobedient to them, going against their will.

    Surely parents here could resonate with the hurts, pains, and anxieties they experience when children start to grow up and be on their own. Like my mother would even say, when we, her children started to have our live our own, “Kung puede palang ibalik sa tiyan.” (If I could only bring you back in my womb…) It is the same way with the experience of a hen that raises ducks as her chicks. When the duck-chicks, which by nature a swimmer, start to swim and float on a fond, the mother hen – because she cannot swim would be extremely worried and anxious that her chicks-ducks might get drowned. This is also what and how Joseph and Mary experienced parenting Jesus. When the child Jesus began to grow up in age & maturity, his parents also experienced the difficulties of parenthood.

    However, the Holy Family’s experience might teach us more about parenting and parenthood, especially in terms of adapting to our growing children.

    First, Parenthood is a whole family matter – not only of parents but also of children. To parent a family is not only about the husband-and-wife tandem in raising their children but it is more on the dynamic teamwork between parents and children. If it was difficult for Mary and Joseph to raise and adjust with Jesus, it was also difficult for Jesus to grow up in his own family. In as much as being parent is difficult, we also know that growing up maturely (to be on our own) is difficult. If Jesus only obey his parents’ will, I wonder would we able to benefit from and share with the salvation God has given us through Jesus, who did not remain a child of Mary and Joseph but become our Christ, our Savior? As the parent adjust, children also adjust.

    Second, Parenthood is also about trusting in God’s way of parenting us – of raising and forming us His children. Inasmuch as we are tasked to parent our little ones – raising and adapting to their growth, we must never forget that ultimately God is our Father, our ultimate parent; and we are all His children. If we do want the best for our children, God also knows, wants, and does what is best for each one of us. God knows what was best for us when we were children, surely, he knows what is best for us when we become mature adult parent to His little ones. If we do want our children to obey us, we also are to obey God our father who knows best & better than what we want. So, trust and have faith in God’s will, in God’s way of parenting us.

    To parent a child is to work together then with one another as family of parent and children as well as to work with and in deep faith and trust of God’s way of parenting us.

    Christmas challenges us Christian to be responsible parents of Jesus in our lives today. Parenting our growing children is also our way of being responsible to the child and adult Jesus – God’s word made flesh, into our very lives now, according to God’s will & not our own ways.

    As we celebrate the feast of the Holy Family, we pray that the Holy Family will continue to inspire all Christian families and communities in parenting our growing children for God’s glory, not ours. Amen.

  • TOWARDS A MATURE RELATIONSHIP

    TOWARDS A MATURE RELATIONSHIP

    FEBRUARY 28, 2021 – Second Sunday in Ordinary Time

    by Fr. Manoling Thomas, CSsR

    Click here for the readings (https://bible.usccb.org/bible/readings/022821.cfm)

    As we mature and develop as persons, our relationship with others should also undergo change! An example is the way we relate now with our own parents. Surely our way of relating with them now, is different from the way we related with them when we were children or growing teenagers. They remain as our parents whom we continue to esteem and respect as they are entitled to.

    This too should be the case with our personal relationship with God. God wants that relationship; to grow, develop, and mature! Quietly go deep within yourself. Observe, and notice! Is there a difference now in the way God is relating with you from with the way God related with you when you were a child, or a growing teenager? How about from your side, has there been a change in the way you now relate with God?

    Our 1st Reading today, which is from Genesis 22, is an example of an adult to adult relationship: between God and Abraham! Compare this with the relationship between Abraham and his young son, Isaac. The 1st Reading is a very touching illustration of a relationship that has matured. On the one hand we have the relationship between a human father Abraham, and his only son, whom he loved so much. On the other hand, we have the relationship between God and Abraham. Observe the way God addressed Abraham in verse 1, when God commanded Abraham to do something that was very difficult! Look at verse 11, after Abraham proved to God that he was more than willing to do whatever God asks of him! Listen to this: “‘Abraham, Abraham!’. And he said, ‘Here I am.’ He said, ‘Do not lay your hand on the boy or do anything to him; for now I know that you fear God, since you have not withheld your son, your only son from me.’” [22:11-12]. Do you notice the terms of endearment behind the way God called Abraham and the way Abraham responded? The way God addressed Abraham and intervened shows God’s concern for Abraham and his son, Isaac!

    How did Abraham take God’s difficult command: that he sacrifice his only son whom Abraham loves so much? On those two occasions [vv. 1 & 11], Abraham’s response was the same:  “Here I am.” “Here I am”, shows us Abraham’s nature, as a person always totally available to God. From the time they first met, Abraham had trusted, believed; and was totally obedient to God!

    Did God really want a human sacrifice from Abraham? Of course not! The narrator of the story already made that clear to us! God only wished “to test” Abraham’s faith! In the opening verse we read: “After these things, God tested Abraham.” [v.1]. God’s demand of Abraham was not intended to be taken literally! But Abraham interpreted and understood it differently! Abraham took God’s command literally and seriously! Abraham was well prepared before embarking on that journey. Abraham’s willingness to undertake that long journey and follow a very difficult instruction shows us Abraham’s unwavering faith, firm trust, and total obedience to God!

    Probably, deep inside Abraham, God’s command was completely incomprehensible and even unreasonable. Before this, in their old age, God gifted Abraham and his wife with a son! God gave Abraham this promise: “your very own issue shall be your heir” [15:4]. Abraham totally cut himself off from his whole past [12:1ff] when he left his homeland to obey God and follow God’s call. And now this same God was asking him to give up his whole future? Does this make any sense? Is God aware and sensitive to the fact of how much Abraham loves his only son, Isaac? And God wants Abraham to sacrifice him?

    At this stage in your life, how would you describe the relationship between you and God? Has God ever asked you to do something very difficult and even painful; or do something incomprehensible and even seemingly unreasonable? How did you respond to God?

    Abraham was asked to sacrifice his son on the mountain of Moriah. God the Father gave up His Only Son on Mount Calvary. God was merciful to the father and son, Abraham and Isaac! Through the angel, God intervened and Isaac’s life was spared. But did you realize that God showed no mercy to Himself? God did not intervene to spare Jesus from a violent and cruel death! God allowed His Only Son, whom He loved so much to die…to die so that all of us may have life…the fullness of life! [Jn. 10:10]. This is the God, Who invites you and me to continue to grow and mature in our personal relationship with Him!

  • Our Share and Role in God’s Big Family

    Our Share and Role in God’s Big Family

    January 26, 2021 – Memorial of Sts. Titus and Timothy

    Click here for the readings (https://bible.usccb.org/bible/readings/012621.cfm)

    How important is our family to us?  For most of us, our families are the source of our joy, security, identity, confidence and assurance. But for some of us also, our family can be the source of our deepest pain, traumas and bitterness in life. We cannot deny that it is in the context of our families that we also first experienced “being loved” and “being rejected.”

    Talking about family, our Gospel today tells us of Jesus family looking for him. Moreover, it is in this context also that Jesus brought out a new idea of being a family where we shall experience deeper God’s presence and invitations for us.

    Jesus asked, “Who is my mother? Who are my brothers and sisters?” In a way, Jesus expanded the meaning of family relationship by pointing out the members of his family. These were those people listening to him, gathered around him to do the will of his Father. Jesus did not reject his immediate family but expanded its essence.

    The family that Jesus brought out is beyond blood relationship. This is toward a deeper spiritual family relationship. This calls us to identify ourselves and others to be part of a bigger family of God.

    But how do we really belong to this family?

    Jesus told us that it is by doing the will of his Father. And the first step of doing the Father’s will is to LISTEN to the Son. Indeed, it is in listening that we also realize and become aware of God’s invitation for us.

    It is also clear that Jesus pointed out that his mother, brothers and sisters are those who were gathered around him and together listening to him. Certainly, there is wisdom in listening together, as a community or as family because the process of discernment becomes deeper, more realistic, clearer and empowering when we listen together and discern together on what God wants us to be and what God wants us to do.

    Timothy and Titus who were bishops and companions of Paul in building and nurturing the first churches, were individuals who took part in this family of Jesus. They are examples of people who took part in building God’s family by listening first to the will of God and doing it in their lives. Their dedication as well as the time and energy that they spent to build those first Christians Churches in the first century of our history proved that they, indeed, shared and took their role in God’s big family.

    For us today, let us allow ourselves to be part of God’s family by listening to Jesus through the scriptures and experiencing again his presence through the grace of the sacraments in our church. As we listen to the Lord and in his invitations for us, let us also discern on how we can actively participate and share our part in building God’s family today, particularly in our own context. Hinaut pa.

  • The Gift of our Family and healing of our Family History

    The Gift of our Family and healing of our Family History

    December 17, 2020 – Thursday, Third Day of Misa de Aguinaldo

    Click here for the readings (https://bible.usccb.org/bible/readings/121720.cfm)

    Homily

    I come from a family of fishermen. For hundreds of years, my ancestors’ main occupation was fishing. Our family’s history revolved around the sea and the various fish we could find within the Island of Mactan. In fact, our family’s surname is related to fishing. I became aware of this when I found my Papa’s long list of names of our ancestry. Papa loved history and most especially the history of our family.

    Papa told me stories of our great-grand fathers and mothers who created significant impact in our small history. As I listened to those long and many stories of Papa, he too shared interesting and exciting stories of significant people in our history. Later, he was not hesitant anymore to share with us some disheartening, scandalous and painful stories in the family.

    Yet, what I found funniest in our family history was Papa’s claim that our family come from the lineage of the great Lapu-Lapu, the first hero in our archipelago and defeated Fernando de Magallanes.

    Nevertheless, though funny it is, our own small family history has a small part in the story of 500 years of Christianity in the Philippines. Part of our family tradition is the devotion to the Sto. Niño as it is common among Cebuano families. We too have our own share of miracle stories with the Sto. Niño which made our Christian faith to grow.

    From this story of my own family, this also brings me into God’s invitation for us today, on this Second Day of our Misa de Aguinaldo. Thus, I would like to deepen today’s reflection on the Gift of our Family and the Healing of our Family History.

    Each of us, is also a product of our vast family history. It is not that we are doomed and chained by the past, but we are being enriched by a vast history. Our families have our own history of both joys and sorrows, failures and successes, of horrors and victories.

    Our family history tells us who we are and it is part of our identity. Hence, it is also very important that we become in touch with our own family history and see how God works within our story. Besides, knowing our family history, this will be an opportunity for us to allow God to heal our broken and painful past present in our family history.

    Let me bring you now on how God works within a human family and how God reveals the Divine Plan in the family history of the whole humanity. The first reading from the Book of Genesis tells us how Jacob called his sons and bestowed the blessing to Judah the fourth son. The blessing also contains the prophecy of the rise of a King, in the person of David, the very lineage of Jesus claimed in the Gospel of Matthew.

    This family of Jacob was not guiltless. The lineage had stories of repeated unfaithfulness and scandalous personalities. Jesus’ lineage is not perfect and not wholesome at all. In fact, Judah sold his own brother, Joseph for money. There was King David who raped Bathsheba and then later ordered to murder her husband. There was Rahab, who was a prostitute. There was King Ahaz who burned his own son alive as a human sacrifice. There was another King, Joash, who committed idolatry against Yahweh and murdered the people in the Temple area. And there was the once revered King Solomon who built the Temple pf God but later on, turned to be unfaithful to God by turning to the gods and goddesses of his many wives.

    In this kind of family history, is there any good news here, when, in fact, Jesus did not come from a “good” and “blameless” family?

    Despite the unfaithfulness and guilt within this family history, God never wavered His plan to make something good, wonderful and beautiful in this family. The Gospel of Matthew that has been proclaimed to us today, contained a long list of generations until the birth of Jesus.

    Matthew recorded the family tree of Jesus with 42 generations divided into three, that makes it 14. 14 is the equivalent of two 7. Seven is a perfect number in Jewish belief. And the repeated use of 7 means that God works in this human family in an absolutely perfect way. The family tree though not perfect but with traces of sins and unfaithfulness, God works within this human family to bring healing and life.

    The family tree of Jesus is God’s statement to us that God indeed journeyed with us, in all our humanity, in all our sins and unfaithfulness. Jesus, being born in a human family, tells us that God fully embraces our humanity. With our imperfection, God made it to be the very space for us to encounter him and to know him.

    This calls us now to own and recognize the gift of our family. Some of us must have been traumatized and carrying deep wounds because of what happened in our family, others could have been divided because of conflict over material possessions, many families are also struggling to live because of so much poverty. And with all of this, God invites us today, that as we recognize our sins and failures, God is also telling us to recognize how God unfolds blessings and graces in our human family.

    Let us also ask the Lord to grant healing to our wounded families, to bring healing to any pain and shame that are haunting us until now, healing to broken relationships, and freedom to our hearts and memories imprisoned by anger, hatred and indifference. Hinaut pa.

  • Giving a space for God

    Giving a space for God

    Advertisements

    September 2, 2020 – Wednesday of the 22nd Week in Ordinary Time

    Click here for the readings (https://bible.usccb.org/bible/readings/090220.cfm)

    Homily

    When we allow a person to occupy a space in our life, this also means that we make ourselves open to the person. The person may know our deepest secrets, as well as our deepest pain in life.

    This is how we find our relationships fulfilling and essential in our personal development. Of course, we assume that the person whom we have given the space in our life has the good intention of giving care and love to us.

    However, if the person whom we have given a space in our heart and in our life, betrays us, gives us more pain and stress, then, our relationship becomes hurtful and even toxic for us. This kind of relationship does not help us and would only bring us into desperation.

    Yet, when it is God who asks for a space in our life and in our heart, will we allow God to occupy a space? Are we willing to give up something for God to be in our life?

    God would surely not bring us harm. God only desires goodness and happiness for us. Nevertheless, giving a space for God also requires something from us. We cannot accommodate the Lord when our heart is full, if our life is occupied with many things. What God actually needs is a small space to bring healing and transformation in us.

    This is what we have heard from the readings today. St. Paul in his first letter to the Corinthians, reminded the people of their childish attitudes which actually made their hearts full and unwelcoming to God’s spirit to work in them. The community in Corinth was filled with jealousy and rivalry. Paul called them “infants,” meaning that the people were still exercising their selfish attitudes and seemed to advance their personal interest rather than the interest of the Lord.

    Paul reminded them to become mature by claiming and welcoming the Lord in their life and not to be limited with the influence given by Apollos or by Paul himself.

    Moreover, the Gospel also tells us how Jesus brought healing and transformation into the house of Simon. As it was in any typical Jewish house at that time, the house of Simon, must had been full of people too. His house was not just occupied by his wife and children but also his in-laws, nephews and nieces.

    However, despite this situation, Simon offered Jesus a space in his house. When Jesus was given a space into the house of Simon, Jesus was able to heal his mother-in-law who was afflicted with a severe fever. The miracle of healing happened here. She, indeed, was healed.

    But what was more interesting was the effect of the healing, and that was the transformation which made her to act, to be generous of herself to the Lord and his friends. When she was healed, she got up and waited on them. This means that when she experienced the healing, she served the Lord in her own capacity. This is faith in action and gratitude being transformed into generosity and kindness.

    This is what the Lord is inviting us also today. We may have experienced hurts and pains in our human relationships because those whom we welcomed in our life have caused us troubles, but we are assured that God would only bring healing and transformation in us. God desires that we will be healed in whatever illness and pain we are experiencing today, may it be physical or emotional.

    Thus, we are called to give a space for God by also getting rid of those that are not actually helpful and not necessary. This applies in our personal life, in our relationships, and in our homes and communities particularly. Allow the Lord today to occupy that space and allow him too to heal and bring transformation in us.

    Hopefully, as we also experience the gift of healing, this may lead us to transformation where we are moved to put in action our faith and to make concrete our gratitude to God by becoming generous and kind towards others. Hinaut pa.

    Jom Baring, CSsR