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Tag: Relationships

  • How much do we value our relationships?

    How much do we value our relationships?

    April 16, 2025 – Wednesday of the Holy Week

    Click here for the readings (https://bible.usccb.org/bible/readings/041625.cfm)

    How much do you value your loved ones? How much do you value your friends? How much do we value our relationships? When we value so much these people in our lives, their importance are shown in the way we spend much of our quality time and presence. When we also truly value people who are close to us, the more we become less and less self-centered. What becomes natural to us then is the way we give ourselves for those whom we value so much. These can be expressed in concrete ways like sharing our material resources, making ourselves available for them, giving an effort to understand and listen to them.

    This is how we grow and mature as persons capable of loving and giving life especially when what we experience is a mutual sharing of life and love.

    However, the value that we give to each other can also be spoiled. When we ourselves turned to be “life-sucking” or persons who suck and consume the life of others – then, we surely spoil and degrade the value of our relationships. This makes us attention-seekers, guilt-trippers and energy-consuming creatures to our family members and friends. This also means that we do not actually give value to people but we are only concerned on what we can personally gain and benefit from others.

    This is how Judas turned to be one, as he betrayed his friend and master. Judas sold Jesus. He even dared to ask the chief priests of the temple, “What are you willing to give ME if I hand him over to you?” And for 30 pieces of silver, Judas was most willing to hand over and betray Jesus. The value was not that much but Judas valued Jesus so little. He was willing as long as he could benefit something immediately.

    Well, why would Judas do that to the person who only showed kindness and generosity to him and to the people? Judas though, was chosen to be one of the close friends of Jesus and disciples had these two attitudes that motivated him to betray the Lord and to sell him for thirty pieces of silver.

    First, Judas never believed that Jesus is the Lord and the Messiah. He never believed in the Son of God who was sent into the world to redeem the world and save the people from their sins and evil ways. Judas never believed in Jesus but only thought that Jesus was a mere teacher. Thus, Judas never called Jesus as Lord but only Rabbi, which means teacher.

    Second, Judas did not have a close, personal and intimate relationship with Jesus. Because Judas never believed in Jesus as Lord, it also followed that Judas had never developed that close relationship with the Lord. Judas actually failed to build true friendship and closeness with Jesus. Hence, he could not recognize God in Jesus.

    These attitudes of Judas may also be present in us. When we do not believe or refuse to believe in Jesus as our Savior and Lord, who has come to love and forgive us, then, we too shall have the difficulty of not being able to build a personal relationship with God. Failure to recognize God in our life leads us to a distanced relationship with God.

    This is also true with our human relationships. Failure to believe in the person, to a friend, to your beloved, to your husband, or wife or child will lead us to a distanced relationship. This failure in knowing the person and building personal and intimate relationship with the person will lead us to easily discard the person. It will be easy for us to hurt them, to cause them pain, to cheat on them, to betray them, to leave and abandon them – because after all, we are never committed in that relationship. And because we don’t value that relationship.

    Thus, we are called rather now to know better the person that we are in relationship with, our friends, our beloved and all those people around us. It is in knowing them that we come to recognize their importance and believe in them. And again, this shall also move us to truly value our relationships by committing ourselves in those relationships by developing a close and intimate relationship with others and with God. This is manifested in the way we give life for the sake of others. Kabay pa.

  • Finding a Faithful Friend is Finding a Treasure

    Finding a Faithful Friend is Finding a Treasure

    February 28, 2025 – Friday of the Seventh Week in Ordinary Time

    Click here for the readings (https://bible.usccb.org/bible/readings/022825.cfm)

    Do you have friends? Do you have a true friend? We have many friends. Yet, among them, there would only be a few we find most comfortable with. These friends sometimes know our deepest secrets. They understand our hurts and pains. These friends also know our true dreams and aspirations in life.

    The very presence of our friends, especially those who are closest to us make so much difference in life. In times of our joys and success in life, we have our friends celebrating with us. It warms our hearts knowing that there are people who are also happy of our own happiness. In times of pain, loneliness, sickness and failures, we find friends who are faithful and supportive to us. It gives us comfort and assurance that we are not alone.

    The Book of Sirach today speaks so well of beauty. It captures the warmth of having true and faithful friends.

    Sirach says, “A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he who finds one finds a treasure. A faithful friend is beyond price, no sum can balance his worth. A faithful friend is a life-saving remedy…”

    Friendship is a gift. Having a true and faithful friend even when we only have one, is a treasure. This calls us to cherish and nurture that friendship. Remember, we need to invest in our friendships with our presence. Emotional investment is also crucial to develop healthy relationships with our friends.

    Emotional investment is fundamental to relationships and to friendship. Being open and honest with the people around us allows us to build TRUST, CONFIDENCE, AND LOVE. Without emotional investment in our relationship, we focus only on how the person is useful for us. This benefits only our ego. Yet, such relationship brings out toxicity, an unhealthy relationship with others.

    This is what the Book of Sirach warns us about. We should be on guard against those who pretend to be friends. These individuals are not with us in times of distress. Beware of those who tell others about us only to bring shame on us. Be cautious of those who abandon us during sorrowful times. They approach us solely when they stand to gain something.

    This toxicity in friendship can also be found in marriage life. Because of the selfishness in one or both spouses, marriage will fail. When one is being used only for personal gain and gratification, then, the relationship is corrupted. The question of divorce became an opportunity for Jesus to confront the hardness of the hearts of men. The discontentment and abuses in a relationship were the reasons of breaking up marriage. Yet, at the very beginning God joined the wife and husband to be together for better or for worse. They were to be together for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. They were to be together in joy or in sorrow. God intended them to live a life committed in love and faithfulness.

    And so, as we are reminded today of the treasure of friendship, there are two invitations for us.

    First, be a true friend. We recognize and thank our true friends. Let us, in turn, be true friends. Remember, friendship involves give-and-take. Sometimes, we are the one giving support, and other times we are on the receiving end. Being a true friend is to let our friends know that we care about them and appreciate them. This can help strengthen our bond and develop a healthy and life-giving friendship.

    Second, have the courage to confront. Another way to develop a healthy friendship is to confront a friend when needed. It is important to challenge them constructively. We do this constructively. This is a sign of maturity in our friendship.

    And so, we pray that the God of Friendship bless our friends and our friendship with one another. Hinaut pa.

  • Knowing and believing the person we love

    Knowing and believing the person we love

    April 5, 2023 – Wednesday of the Holy Week

    Click here for the readings (https://bible.usccb.org/bible/readings/040523.cfm)

    Judas sold his friend and teacher. The Gospel recounts to us that one of Jesus’ close friends sold him to the chief priests. Why would Judas do that to the person who only showed kindness and generosity to him and to the people?

    Judas though, was chosen to be one of the close friends of Jesus and disciples had these two attitudes that motivated him to betray the Lord and to sell him for thirty pieces of silver.

    First, Judas never believed that Jesus is the Lord and the Messiah, the Son of God who is sent into the world to redeem the world and save the people from their sins and evil ways. Judas never believed in Jesus but only thought that Jesus was a mere teacher. Thus, Judas never called Jesus as Lord but only Rabbi, which means teacher.

    Second, Judas did not have a close, personal and intimate relationship with Jesus. Because Judas never believed in Jesus as Lord, it also followed that Judas had never developed that close relationship with the Lord. Judas actually failed to build true friendship with Jesus and so failed to recognize God in Jesus.

    These attitudes of Judas may also be present in us. When we do not believe or refuse to believe in Jesus as our Savior and Lord, who has come to love and forgive us, then, we too shall have the difficulty of not being able to build a personal relationship with God. Failure to recognize God in our life leads us to an estrange relationship with God.

    This is also true with our human relationships. Failure to believe in the person, to a friend, to your beloved, to your husband, or wife  or child will lead us to a distanced relationship. This failure in knowing the person and building personal and intimate relationship with the person will lead us to easily discard the person. It will be easy for us to hurt them, to cause them pain, to cheat on them, to betray them, to leave and abandon them – because after all, we are never committed in that relationship.

    Thus, we are called rather now to know better the person that we are in relationship with, our friends, our beloved and all those people around us because it is in knowing them that we also come to recognize their importance and believe in them. And again, this shall also move us to commit ourselves in that relationship by developing a close and intimate relationship with others and with God.

    May Our Mother of Perpetual Help guide and inspire us in our relationships and to truly believe in Jesus and to build personal and intimate relationship with him. Kabay pa.

  • THE MOST PRECIOUS CHRISTMAS GIFT!

    THE MOST PRECIOUS CHRISTMAS GIFT!

    For those who have the means, one cause of stress during the Christmas season is what gifts to give to one’s loved ones? This is especially so if they seem to have all that they need and are not wanting for anything else. We do not want to give gifts that will only end up in the cupboards or recycled as gifts to others.

                Godparents get perplexed when having to think of the appropriate gifts to their godchildren who do expect something from them during the Christmas season. It is easy enough when they were kids, as there is a variety of toys to choose from. And kids love any toy that they receive especially the ones popular at the moment.  But when they reach adolescent or early adulthood, one wonders what gift they would appreciate. To be safe, godparents resort to just giving gift cards of superstores or outright cash.

                OFW parents are even more pressured if they are not at home for Christmas. To compensate for their absence during this season, they spoil their kids and it could turn out to be expensive as kids demand gadgets that could cost a fraction of their salaries. But it is not just their children expecting gifts but the whole clan which explains the phenomenon of those big Balikbayan boxes that flood our airports at this time of year.

                And additional source of anxiety these days is the impact of inflation and the ensuing  high prices of commodities on one hand, while salaries have no correspondingly increased. Some companies even could no yet afford to give a 13th month bonus. Considering the high costs of Christmas with demands for a delicious noche buenas and other expenses, there is hardly left to buy gifts.

                On the other hand, there is also an interesting development in terms of undermining the crash commercialism that has characterized the Christmas holiday season. To make sure that they are not held captive by the pressure to go to the malls and shop till they drop, they refuse to even buy anything. Instead the more altruistic ones would rather distribute goods to the needy or give their money to charitable institutions or cause-oriented groups.  We can only hope that this kind of movement would expand and more people are involved in spreading Christmas cheer among our less fortunate sisters and brothers.

                If there is someone out there who wonders how best to respond to the question – what gifts to give to loved ones? –  let me offer this reflection. At a most recent time when I thought I was already destined to depart from this earth, I asked myself what was it that I would miss most? Or what would I have no difficulty letting go?  I realized I could let go of:

    –         Ice cream, halo-halo and all those wonderful pastries in bakeshops

    –         A really delicious meal in a fancy Vietnamese restaurant

    –         Bagel, croissant, pretzel and those freshly-baked bread

    –         A swim in the warm waters around the islets of El Nido, Palawan or in a lagoon underneath a waterfalls

    –         A fabulous sunrise or a gorgeous sunset with the wind caressing the coconut trees

    –         A climb up the mountain and then viewing a sea of clouds

    –         Travels to Baguio and Bali, Paris, New York or Rio de Janiero

    –         Films of Kurosawa and Trauffaut, concertos of Mozart and Bach

    –         The best of Filipiniana films, music, art and literature

    –         Songs of Simon and Garfunkel, the Beatles and Frank Sinatra

    –         Gardening, reading Booker prize-winning novels, writing fiction

    –         And a few more favorite things to do

    Photo by Sandino Madelo, Christmas 2021

    It goes without saying that I would not let go of my faith in the Triune God and of God’s plan of salvation that continues to unfold. To have been gifted with this faith has led many to a meaningful life allowing me a glimpse of what is God’s promise for humanity. It has also brought me to many communities where I could inter-act with peoples of great charm and generosity. It allowed me to experience moments of peace and great joy. And it brought into my life many co-believers to be able to constitute communities of mutual support, deep affection and compassion for each other.

    Then I realized there was one thing I would not let go for I would miss this very much. And it is this: the love and affection of family, confreres and the closest friends especially those whose friendships have lasted a lifetime. Who I am today and what I have accomplished in my life may be due to their support, encouragement and prayers.  The wonderful moments I have enjoyed through my life – especially at certain special occasions – were in their company. There was utter happiness that could only arise in their presence.  If there are memories to keep in my heart, their faces would appear.

    Indeed, the gifts of kinship, confrereship and friendship are the most precious gifts for me. And these are gifts given from Christmas season to Christmas season as well as throughout the years. These need not be wrapped in fancy paper and silk ribbons for these are offered from the heart. Every Christmas, I have always felt blessed because I knew I continue to receive these precious gifts. If I have these gifts, really what else do I need?

    So, dear reader, do not worry what gift to give your loved ones.  By embracing them in  your heart, wishing and praying for their well-being, assisting them in their times of need and loving them in a manner that makes them feel deeply appreciative – you would have given the most precious of gifts!

    And it is a gift that goes beyond Christmas!

    A blessed Christmas to one and all!

  • TRUE AND AUTHENTIC IN OUR RELATIONSHIPS

    TRUE AND AUTHENTIC IN OUR RELATIONSHIPS

    March 7, 2021 – Third Sunday of Lent

    Click here for the readings (https://bible.usccb.org/bible/readings/030721-YearB.cfm)

    A friend who lives in the US, fell in love with a fellow Filipino. The reason why she fell in love was because the man was so sweet to her. She felt that he showed care and concern for her. Just like any other suitor, she would always receive a message from him greeting her every morning. The constant communication provided by the social media sites opened a great opportunity for the two of them to be connected with each other and be intimate despite the distance.

    Things like these melt her heart and soon enough said her yes to him. Just after a year, she went home here in the Philippines to get marry with that man whom she thought will be her “forever.” Few months after their wedding, things became odd and strange for her. Her husband was actually secretive to her. And lo and behold, there was an occasion when she found out that her husband was in relationship with another woman. Later, she too found out that she was just used by that man to secure a green card for the United States. She too found out that her husband and his girlfriend planned it all along so that they will be able to migrate to US for a greener pasture for the two of them.

    My friend was completely devastated when she knew this. She felt violated and indeed was deceived by the person whom she loved so much. She was so angry and helpless that every time she remembers it, it gives her so much pain and disgust.

    Some of you might have also this kind of experience where you were also deceived and used by people who were significant to your life. Indeed, this causes so much pain and suffering to us when those people whom we trusted and loved, used us for their personal gain.

    A similar experience of deception and destructive attitude for personal gain has been told to us in today’s Gospel. The passage from the Gospel of John narrates to us how Jesus also felt the pain when the Temple of God was used by the merchants as a way to enrich themselves. The House of God was abused by these people for their personal gain, for their own profit at the expense of the poor and ordinary Jews.

    Thus, Jesus was so angry upon witnessing this kind of attitude from the people. Jesus could not accept that the people focused on what they can gain materially in the name of Religion and in the name of God. More so, Jesus was disgusted when those people used that opportunity to exploit the poor by having an unfair and expensive prices for animals to be offered on the altar. The merchants made sure that the animals that shall be offered to the Temple must only come from them. Because of that monopoly in the market, they made the prices of the animals twice as expensive to its original price. What they did was neither for the Temple nor for God but simply to gain more profit for themselves.

    What has been done was a violation to God’s covenant, to the relationship built on trust and love between Yahweh and His people. The Temple is a symbol of that relationship of the Hebrew people and God. The Temple was the image that God is with His people, faithful and loving. Yet, the people used this relationship also for the sake of personal gain and pleasure.

    This reveals to us now how we can be cunning and deceiving also in our own relationships. There is a tendency in us to use other people for our personal gain and pleasure. We please others for the sake of gaining favors from them. We build connections from others in order to boast ourselves and advance our personal agenda which is very common in the political arena; not just in politics but even in religious and our personal relationships.

    Consequently, we have been given with the ten commandments proclaimed in the first reading. The ten commandments which basically talked about our relationships with God and our neighbor present to us the proper and right attitude in relating to God and with one another. These commandments are not designed to limit us or to put mere restrictions in relating with another, but rather, making us freer and life giving as we build and develop relationship with God and with one another.

    Therefore, the ten commandments are given to us so that we will be able to give life and celebrate life. This is essentially what the covenant of God is all about, giving life and celebrating life. A true relationship then is not about what we can profit from others, but about growing together and finding joy with one another.

    This is the call for all of us then, on this Third Sunday of Lent – and that is to be true and authentic in our relationships with one another. The commandments provide us the way on how we can freely love God and the person next to us. And that our relationship is not about what we can gain or profit but rather what we can give and invest in our family, with your husband or wife, your children, friend, our community and God. Truly, it is in mutual giving that we also find our relationships more flourishing and fulfilling.

    Now, I want to invite each of you to do something for this coming week as we continue to observe the Season of Lent. There are two invitations that you may do for those special people who could be your partner in life, children, friend or community.

    • First, invest your time and presence. It means give enough time to be there for them, to listen to their concerns and problems. Let your presence be felt by them who have become afraid, lonely and ashamed.
    • Second, say to thank you to those people who are special to you. Express your gratitude to them and to the relationship that you have with them. It also means that you are to recognize the gifts that they have and the things that they did to you.

    Hopefully, these attitudes will make our relationships with God and with one another stronger and sincere and that we will relate not on the motivation on what we can profit and gain from others, but on how we can give life and meaning to each other. Hinaut pa.