Do you have friends? Do you have a true friend? We have many friends. Yet, among them, there would only be a few we find most comfortable with. These friends sometimes know our deepest secrets. They understand our hurts and pains. These friends also know our true dreams and aspirations in life.
The very presence of our friends, especially those who are closest to us make so much difference in life. In times of our joys and success in life, we have our friends celebrating with us. It warms our hearts knowing that there are people who are also happy of our own happiness. In times of pain, loneliness, sickness and failures, we find friends who are faithful and supportive to us. It gives us comfort and assurance that we are not alone.
The Book of Sirach today speaks so well of beauty. It captures the warmth of having true and faithful friends.
Sirach says, “A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he who finds one finds a treasure. A faithful friend is beyond price, no sum can balance his worth. A faithful friend is a life-saving remedy…”
Friendship is a gift. Having a true and faithful friend even when we only have one, is a treasure. This calls us to cherish and nurture that friendship. Remember, we need to invest in our friendships with our presence. Emotional investment is also crucial to develop healthy relationships with our friends.
Emotional investment is fundamental to relationships and to friendship. Being open and honest with the people around us allows us to build TRUST, CONFIDENCE, AND LOVE. Without emotional investment in our relationship, we focus only on how the person is useful for us. This benefits only our ego. Yet, such relationship brings out toxicity, an unhealthy relationship with others.
This is what the Book of Sirach warns us about. We should be on guard against those who pretend to be friends. These individuals are not with us in times of distress. Beware of those who tell others about us only to bring shame on us. Be cautious of those who abandon us during sorrowful times. They approach us solely when they stand to gain something.
This toxicity in friendship can also be found in marriage life. Because of the selfishness in one or both spouses, marriage will fail. When one is being used only for personal gain and gratification, then, the relationship is corrupted. The question of divorce became an opportunity for Jesus to confront the hardness of the hearts of men. The discontentment and abuses in a relationship were the reasons of breaking up marriage. Yet, at the very beginning God joined the wife and husband to be together for better or for worse. They were to be together for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. They were to be together in joy or in sorrow. God intended them to live a life committed in love and faithfulness.
And so, as we are reminded today of the treasure of friendship, there are two invitations for us.
First, be a true friend. We recognize and thank our true friends. Let us, in turn, be true friends. Remember, friendship involves give-and-take. Sometimes, we are the one giving support, and other times we are on the receiving end. Being a true friend is to let our friends know that we care about them and appreciate them. This can help strengthen our bond and develop a healthy and life-giving friendship.
Second, have the courage to confront. Another way to develop a healthy friendship is to confront a friend when needed. It is important to challenge them constructively. We do this constructively. This is a sign of maturity in our friendship.
And so, we pray that the God of Friendship bless our friends and our friendship with one another. Hinaut pa.
Why do we feel more at ease, comfortable and open to a friend in sharing and disclosing our most sensitive stories? What would be the reason that we find comfort after sharing our burdens and struggles to a friend? Yet, we feel more distressed when we keep things alone in our heart.
Such comfort that we experience from the presence of a friend whom we can truly trust, gives us the assurance that we are not alone in life. Even though, our friend may not understand fully what we are going through, but the mere presence of someone whom we know cares about us can appease our troubled hearts.
It is from this human experience of closeness and friendship that we too are invited today. Jesus, in the Gospel of Matthew, said to the multitude of people, “Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest.” This is an invitation from the Lord that we come to him so that we may be free from the burden of guilt, shame and sin, from our anxieties and worries.
Yet, this invitation of God is not to be understood in a magical way because there might be a tendency in us to demand God to take away immediately the burdens we carry. This happened to the people at the time of Prophet Isaiah. The people who were in exile grew weary and hopeless because of their long wait of the Messiah. However, the Lord does not offer us magic to make our struggles disappear at once.
In fact, the Lord God offers us the gentle, empowering and compassionate friendship. This is what Jesus said, “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart.” The yoke that symbolizes the burden we carry, is to be carried with Jesus. The Lord wants us to understand that we carry those burdens together and learn his kind of friendship. This is the friendship that the Lord invites us.
Moreover, Jesus also assures us, “for my yoke is easy and my burden light.” This means that when we are with our friend, burdens become lighter. Life, though might be difficult for us at the moment, but, when our friend sits beside us, we feel assured that we are not alone.
This is how we shall experience strength and courage as Isaiah reminds us, “they that hope in the LORD will renew their strength.”
Hence, as we continue to prepare our hearts this Christmas and allow the Lord to be our dearest friend, in return, let us also be a true friend to our friends. As the Lord comforts us with his friendship, let us also offer and give a comforting presence to our friends. Let not our grudge, jealousy and insecurity ruin our friendship. Avoid gossips and intrigues that will only ruin the reputation and image of our friend.
As we offer, build long and healthy friendship, may this relationship be a mirror of God’s compassionate, gentle and empowering friendship with us. Hinaut pa.
To see the goodness in us as God sees it, can be a struggle. It can be really difficult and might even next to impossible for others. We might recognize the innate goodness in us but we might also forget about it and so fall again into self-pity, guilt and shame.
Time and again, these feelings of shame, guilt and fear may struck us and we will realize how broken and unworthy we are. God has been so good to us and yet, we are sinners, unfaithful to God. This is how we encounter ourselves and so encounter God as well.
But such encounter with the Lord would reveal to us that each of us, does not earn God’s favor and grace. I cannot and will not earn God’s mercy because God grants it freely and generously to you and to me. Friendship with God is also offered freely. We are not forced to accept it. We are rather invited to embrace that friendship. And our friendship with Jesus, cannot be broken,[1] as Pope Francis said. Indeed, it is from this mercy and friendship with Jesus that we are also being transformed, healed and reconciled.
This reminds me of St. Paul’s realization of being transformed by mercy and of friendship. Paul said, 1 Cor 15:8-10.
Last of all, as to one born abnormally, he appeared to me. For I am the least of the apostles, not fit to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me has not been ineffective. Indeed, I have toiled harder than all of them; not I, however, but the grace of God [that is] with me.
As Jesus revealed himself to Paul whose name was Saul at the beginning, Paul saw his own shadows. Paul was in fact in disgrace because as a Jew, he felt so righteous, and he persecuted those who believed in the risen Christ. He brought many Christians to prison and even to their death. But his encounter with Jesus turned his life upside down. It began when he was on his way to Damascus and Jesus appeared to him in a vision.
Yet, he found the Lord without condemnation against him, but only with love and forgiveness for him. That encounter with Jesus brought him to see how wrong he was. Moreover, that very encounter of Paul with Jesus, was also the beginning of their friendship. And that friendship led Paul to commit himself to the risen Christ to be an apostle to the Gentiles, and that through the grace of God, not earned but freely given.
Aside from friendship with Jesus, Paul also realized the value, the importance and the holiness that can be found in our human friendships. In his letter to the Philippians, Paul acknowledged how this gift of friendship sustained and saved him. In Phil 4: 13-16, Paul said,
I have the strength for everything through him who empowers me. Still, it was kind of you to share in my distress. You Philippians indeed know that at the beginning of the Gospel, when I left Macedonia, not a single church shared with me in an account of giving and receiving, except you alone. For even when I was at Thessalonica you sent me something for my needs, not only once but more than once.
Indeed, the presence of our friends in our life would truly make difference. Well, it is usually with our friends that we share our deepest thoughts and dreams, our fears and confusions, our pains and sorrows, our joys and successes. Sometimes, our friends know more about us than our immediate family members.
Why? It is because friends allow us to be who we are. We find with our friends a space to be fully accepted and embraced. Friends also unconditionally support us and understand us when our homes do not provide that for us. And this is because of our shared experiences, shared stories and shared dreams. These are some reasons that connect us intimately with our friends and that make our hearts truly grateful.
Paul in this letter to the Philippians recalled such gratitude in his heart for the gift of friendship he had developed with the Philippians. Paul who was in prison and in many difficulties, was comforted by the thought that his friends remembered him and cared about him. His friends sent material resources that he would need. This was not just the first time because even during the travels of Paul to preach in other cities, the Philippians expressed their generosity and support by providing his needs for the journey. Paul said it intimately, “it was kind of you to share in my distress.” The thought of being remembered by friends had given Paul assurance and confidence despite the suffering and persecution he faced.
More than this friendship, Paul also expressed that what sustained him was his friendship with the Lord. Paul expressed it in this way, “I have the strength for everything through him (Jesus) who empowers me.” This friendship with Jesus was the very reason of that friendship he had with the Philippians.
This gives us a picture of our capacity to give oneself, to be generous and kind in order to express our support and love for our friends. Moreover, this also makes our heart to be truly gracious for the gift of friendship we have.
Interestingly, Simon Peter had his own story of encounter also with Jesus. Luke 5: 4-10.
After he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Put out into deep water and lower your nets for a catch.”Simon said in reply, “Master, we have worked hard all night and have caught nothing, but at your command I will lower the nets.”When they had done this, they caught a great number of fish and their nets were tearing. They signaled to their partners in the other boat to come to help them. They came and filled both boats so that they were in danger of sinking. When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at the knees of Jesus and said, “Depart from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man.”Jesus said to Simon, “Do not be afraid; from now on you will be catching men.”
This encounter made Simon realize his own sinfulness. Simon was told by Jesus to “put out into the deep waters and lower his nets” even though they had been fishing all night and caught nothing. This tells us that Jesus invited Simon to dwell deeper into his own life and to lower down his comforts, to leave behind his uncertainties and anxieties, fears and guilt. This became possible because of that friendship between Simon and Jesus. The Lord was able to challenge Simon, and Simon trusted because the Lord was his friend. Indeed, when Simon did all those, what he found was God’s goodness and tremendous love and generosity symbolized by the great catch of fish.
This moved Simon to beg Jesus to depart from him because Simon had become aware of his sins, failures, fears and insecurities. However, this realization became the entry point of Jesus to transform Simon. This was how Simon gained another name, Peter, or Rock because he was commissioned by Jesus for a mission.
However, Simon Peter who was an impulsive man also stumbled along the way. During the Passion of the Lord, we recall how Simon Peter denied Jesus, three times. This brought deep sorrow to Peter. Because of his fears, he denied the Lord and refused to be with Jesus in those painful and traumatic moments.
With his leadership, after the death of Jesus, Peter and the other disciples hid themselves because of their fear of the Jews. They were terrified because the same fate might also happen to them. However, most of all, they were frustrated and very disappointed with what happened to Jesus. They believed that Jesus would liberate Israel from oppression and suffering from the Roman invaders. Many disciples must have expected that Jesus will raise an army and start a revolution. They could have dreamed that one day they will be seating on a golden throne near their master. However, all those dreams and desires were shattered because Jesus was condemned by his fellow Jews and was crucified by the Roman soldiers.
Peter and the other disciples left their old life to follow Jesus. But Jesus was condemned to death, what will happen to them now? Peter surely also asked this question. “What will happen now?” Jesus is dead and they have no one else to follow.
Thus, this failure that caused them so much frustrations and fears moved them to go back to fishing – to their old self, to their old habits, and not stepping forward because their dreams were shattered, expectations broken and hope was taken away.
Nevertheless, God has his own way of calling us back again. Let us remember how Jesus called back his friends after they retreated to their old selves. Let us read this Gospel passage.
John 21:3-7
Simon Peter said to the other disciples, “I am going fishing.” They said to him, “We also will come with you.” So they went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing. When it was already dawn, Jesus was standing on the shore; but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus. Jesus said to them, “Children, have you caught anything to eat?” They answered him, “No.” So he said to them, “Cast the net over the right side of the boat and you will find something.” So they cast it, and were not able to pull it in because of the number of fish. So the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord.” When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he tucked in his garment, for he was lightly clad, and jumped into the sea.
Now, Jesus appeared on the shore but the disciples did not recognize him. That night they caught nothing. This only tells us that when we also succumbed into darkness and sin then we will surely lose our way just as what happened to Simon Peter. But Jesus would never give up on his friends. Remember that!
Lord is ready to meet us wherever we are now. The Lord shall come and meet us in our dark moments, in times of our depression, sadness and sickness, even in times of great confusion and doubts, and in times of failures and frustrations. The Lord is always ready to do that because he wants us to live free from those.
Now, what was also interesting was on how the beloved disciple recognized Jesus. In fact, it was him who first recognized Jesus and told Peter about it. This tells us also, that once we have become intimate with Jesus, our heart will always desire for Jesus. This beloved disciple of Jesus, who had become so familiar with the Lord, recognized Jesus with joy.
This inspired Peter to respond immediately and to come near to Jesus. Again, this was symbolically done. Peter let go again of his boat, that is, of his old self. He jumped confidently into the sea of past failures and frustrations because he knew that Jesus was waiting for him on the shore. This was how Peter showed us that there is indeed “grace beyond our failures and God’s mercy beyond our sins.” Peter embraced that grace joyfully by encountering Jesus on the shore. Again, it was not earned but freely given.
There is also another moving encounter of Peter with Jesus that gives us more perspective on how mercy and friendship with God will transform us. Allow me to read to you this biblical event in the Gospel of John 21:15-17.
Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” Jesus then said to him a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”Jesus said to him, “Tend my sheep.” Jesus said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was distressed that Jesus had said to him a third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to Jesus,“Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.”[Jesus] said to him, “Feed my sheep.
During the funeral wake of my Papa, my mother told me about a conversation with my 5-year-old niece. She playfully asked my parents, “Tatay, do you love Nanay?” Asking my Papa if he loved Mama. And then she asked in the same way her grand mom, “Nanay, do you love Tatay?” This happened just a week before Papa died in 2019.
In the eyes of my niece, perhaps what she was doing was a mere play of asking questions and relaying the answer to both of her grandparents. Yet, the question entails commitment and faithfulness.
The question of Jesus to Peter essentially involves commitment and faithfulness. The three questions of Jesus were not of condemnation and judgment against the unfaithfulness of Peter. However, the question, “Do you love me?” was an affirmation that Peter was loved and forgiven.
Thus, the question of Jesus, “Simon, Son of John, do you love me more than these?” refers to that attitude of Peter. Jesus was basically asking Peter, “Simon, do you love me more than your fishing career? More than your fears and doubts? More than your sins and guilt? More than your insecurities? More than your dreams, desires and personal wants?”
Positively, Peter understood what Jesus was asking. Jesus asked three times to tell Peter of the great responsibility and also of the joy of the meaning of loving his dear friend, Jesus. To feed or tend the lambs and sheep basically means, “Take charge to care and love others.” This reminds us of Peter’s capacity to care and love others as Jesus did on the cross.
To each of us today, the Lord also asks us, “Do you love me more than these? More than your insecurities and fears, more than your personal wants and ambitions?” Then, the Lord also asks us to take the risk of loving him, who is our dear friend, by being able to love others, to become courageous and confident in loving others. Remember, it is in taking the risk of committing ourselves to love others that we too shall find our true selves.
The Lord knows that each of us has that capacity to love and take care of others. Never be afraid then, never be afraid to love. Never be afraid to express your care and affection towards others. It is in this way that like Peter, we will be able to follow Jesus, who invites us today, to express our love and care to others in the most concrete ways as we have experienced it from our dear friend, Jesus.
These are stories of encounter with a merciful God and of friendship that led to transformation and to a mission. Indeed, real encounter with God’s mercy and friendship would strip us from our pretensions and masks. Such encounter makes us true and without pretensions to see how sinful and unworthy we are before God.
Yet, it is in this moment of openness and honesty that we find God more merciful and forgiving to us. Let us remember this, it is when we own and claim our weakness, sinfulness and failures to God that we are also being strengthened, forgiven and empowered by the Lord.
Thus, for this second part of the recollection, these are the invitations for us.
First, we are called to be fully aware of our own sinfulness and failures, to take responsibility of our sins. Thus, stop blaming others. This, certainly, needs an amount of humility and honesty from us.
Second, we are invited to allow the Lord to transform us through his mercy, friendship and forgiveness. We can seek God’s mercy and affection then, by our constant devotion to the Eucharist, in receiving his grace in the Sacrament of Reconciliation and by reflecting and seeking wisdom from the Bible.
Third, we are called to let God empower us by allowing God to make us His own instruments of mercy, friendship and reconciliation. God calls us and empowers us in the way we live our life now. We are called to become God’s witnesses as parents, as professionals, as leaders in our community, as workers or vendors, as children and friends, as students and as young people, as senior citizens.
PRAYER
God of Mercy and Friendship, you have constantly reveal to the world your unconditional love. Through your Son, our Lord Jesus, this love is fully manifested. Grant me now the courage to love and to commit my whole life in loving and in giving so that I may become your own instrument of mercy and friendship in my own home, among my friends and in my community. Amen.
For those who have the means, one cause of stress during the Christmas season is what gifts to give to one’s loved ones? This is especially so if they seem to have all that they need and are not wanting for anything else. We do not want to give gifts that will only end up in the cupboards or recycled as gifts to others.
Godparents get perplexed when having to think of the appropriate gifts to their godchildren who do expect something from them during the Christmas season. It is easy enough when they were kids, as there is a variety of toys to choose from. And kids love any toy that they receive especially the ones popular at the moment. But when they reach adolescent or early adulthood, one wonders what gift they would appreciate. To be safe, godparents resort to just giving gift cards of superstores or outright cash.
OFW parents are even more pressured if they are not at home for Christmas. To compensate for their absence during this season, they spoil their kids and it could turn out to be expensive as kids demand gadgets that could cost a fraction of their salaries. But it is not just their children expecting gifts but the whole clan which explains the phenomenon of those big Balikbayan boxes that flood our airports at this time of year.
And additional source of anxiety these days is the impact of inflation and the ensuing high prices of commodities on one hand, while salaries have no correspondingly increased. Some companies even could no yet afford to give a 13th month bonus. Considering the high costs of Christmas with demands for a delicious noche buenas and other expenses, there is hardly left to buy gifts.
On the other hand, there is also an interesting development in terms of undermining the crash commercialism that has characterized the Christmas holiday season. To make sure that they are not held captive by the pressure to go to the malls and shop till they drop, they refuse to even buy anything. Instead the more altruistic ones would rather distribute goods to the needy or give their money to charitable institutions or cause-oriented groups. We can only hope that this kind of movement would expand and more people are involved in spreading Christmas cheer among our less fortunate sisters and brothers.
If there is someone out there who wonders how best to respond to the question – what gifts to give to loved ones? – let me offer this reflection. At a most recent time when I thought I was already destined to depart from this earth, I asked myself what was it that I would miss most? Or what would I have no difficulty letting go? I realized I could let go of:
– Ice cream, halo-halo and all those wonderful pastries in bakeshops
– A really delicious meal in a fancy Vietnamese restaurant
– Bagel, croissant, pretzel and those freshly-baked bread
– A swim in the warm waters around the islets of El Nido, Palawan or in a lagoon underneath a waterfalls
– A fabulous sunrise or a gorgeous sunset with the wind caressing the coconut trees
– A climb up the mountain and then viewing a sea of clouds
– Travels to Baguio and Bali, Paris, New York or Rio de Janiero
– Films of Kurosawa and Trauffaut, concertos of Mozart and Bach
– The best of Filipiniana films, music, art and literature
– Songs of Simon and Garfunkel, the Beatles and Frank Sinatra
It goes without saying that I would not let go of my faith in the Triune God and of God’s plan of salvation that continues to unfold. To have been gifted with this faith has led many to a meaningful life allowing me a glimpse of what is God’s promise for humanity. It has also brought me to many communities where I could inter-act with peoples of great charm and generosity. It allowed me to experience moments of peace and great joy. And it brought into my life many co-believers to be able to constitute communities of mutual support, deep affection and compassion for each other.
Then I realized there was one thing I would not let go for I would miss this very much. And it is this: the love and affection of family, confreres and the closest friends especially those whose friendships have lasted a lifetime. Who I am today and what I have accomplished in my life may be due to their support, encouragement and prayers. The wonderful moments I have enjoyed through my life – especially at certain special occasions – were in their company. There was utter happiness that could only arise in their presence. If there are memories to keep in my heart, their faces would appear.
Indeed, the gifts of kinship, confrereship and friendship are the most precious gifts for me. And these are gifts given from Christmas season to Christmas season as well as throughout the years. These need not be wrapped in fancy paper and silk ribbons for these are offered from the heart. Every Christmas, I have always felt blessed because I knew I continue to receive these precious gifts. If I have these gifts, really what else do I need?
So, dear reader, do not worry what gift to give your loved ones. By embracing them in your heart, wishing and praying for their well-being, assisting them in their times of need and loving them in a manner that makes them feel deeply appreciative – you would have given the most precious of gifts!
The presence of our friends in our life truly makes difference. It is usually with our friends that we share our deepest thoughts and dreams, our fears and confusions, our pains and sorrows, our joys and successes. Sometimes, our friends know more about us than our immediate family members. It is because friends allow us to be who we are. Friends give us the space to be fully accepted and embraced. Friends unconditionally support us and understand us because of our shared experiences, shared stories and shared dreams. These are some reasons that connect us intimately with our friends that make our hearts truly grateful.
Paul in his letter to the Philippians also recalled such gratitude in his heart for the gift of friendship he had developed with the Philippians. Paul who was in prison and was in many difficulties while being there and trying to survive, was comforted by the thought that his friends remembered him and cared about him. His friends sent material resources that he would need. This was not just the first time because even during the travels of Paul to preach in other cities, the Philippians expressed their generosity and support by providing his needs for the journey. Paul said it intimately, “it was kind of you to share in my distress.” The thought of being remembered by friends had given Paul assurance and confidence despite the suffering and persecution he faced.
More than this friendship, Paul also expressed that what sustained him was his friendship with the Lord. Paul expressed it in this way, “I have the strength for everything through him (Jesus) who empowers me.” This friendship with Jesus was the very reason of that friendship he had with the Philippians. Hence, Paul wished and prayed that the Lord may also bless his friends in Philippi.
This gives us a picture of our capacity to give oneself, to be generous and kind in order to express our support and love for our friends. Moreover, this also makes our heart to be truly gracious for the gift of friendship we have
This is the invitation that Jesus has for us today. The Lord warns the people of the desire to keep things for the self alone and become self-entitled to many things, which leads to corruption and dishonesty. The Lord also invites us to be generous enough to people in need. Being generous expresses in us the attitude of being trustworthy even in small things. This was how Jesus confronted some of the Pharisees who loved money and loved to enrich themselves in dishonest transactions. This kind of attitude does not develop true friendship but abomination in the sight of God.
Hence, as we make friends, we may truly become generous givers not just in terms of our material resources but also of our presence, understanding and support as our expression of our concern and love for our friends. As friends, we may also become grateful receivers and not “self-entitled-leeches” to our friends who only try the suck out the goodness and kindness of others. Kabay pa.
A DOSE OF GOD TODAY 