Peace! Kalilintad! Shalom!

Tag: Death

  • WHEN A CONFRERE TOUCHES ETERNITY

    WHEN A CONFRERE TOUCHES ETERNITY

    An Elegy to a Brother who didn’t get a chance to say Goodbye

    A dark cloud passes overhead as I write this elegy. In the past month, Cebu City has been enveloped in sweltering heat and at high noon, one runs the risk of being melted under the heat of the sun if one goes outside in the cement streets. But as the clouds hide the sun since early this morning, the city is cooler.

    One hopes the April showers will come sometime today as the parched earth is desperately hoping for some rains to fall. But even as the promise of rain brings a temporary relief, the day – with the dark clouds above – is gloomy.

    We wake up to the news that an esteemed and highly cherished confrere-brother – Fr. Alfonso “Fons” Suico, Jr. – left our ranks at 5:38 this morning. Last Monday, April 10 the Holy Redeemer Provincial Center community members went on a post-Easter picnic at a beach outside the city. (I am a member of this community but as I had dialysis sessions during the day, I didn’t join). An accident took place as he and a few others rode a banana boat.

    He fell off the banana boat and nearly drowned at past 2 pm. It took a while before he got rescued and brought to a nearby hospital. By 9 PM, he was transferred to Chung Hua Hospital which had better facilities and was confined at the Coronary Care Unit. The doctors for a week tried to desperately keep him alive, despite the serious damage in his brain. He was on incubator and provided all the medical assistance, even as he stayed in coma and remained unconscious.

    A decision has to be made whether or not to prolong the medical interventions as he – like most of us in the congregation – had signed a document stating his wish that when there is no hope for survival, all medical interventions should cease. Eventually our superiors and the doctors left the decision to his surviving sister, Sharmaine.

    Arriving from the US past midnight of April 17, she rushed to meet Fr. Fons at the hospital and they were able to spend time together in silence. The caregivers still managed to give him a bath at past 4 AM; an hour later, he passed away. He was 47, having celebrated his last birthday with us in the community only last March 23. His family are from Mandaue, Cebu City, although most of his family members migrated to the US.

    I vividly recall that day when he celebrated his birthday for the last time. There were wonderful flowers – big pink carnations, red roses, lilies and baby breath in a beautiful bouquet placed on the table. There was a big feast to which everyone – confreres, staff, gardeners and carpenters – were all invited to partake in this banquet. The food was sumptuous with pancit, lechon, fried chicken, ice cream and a carrot cake! Fr. Fons was effusive during that meal time and we certainly enjoyed the birthday celebration!  Who knew then that less than a month after,  Fr. Fons will later partake of the feast in heaven!

    This was how the official news –  that followed shortly –  characterized Fr. Fons: “Fr. Fons was a brilliant and compassionate missionary, medical doctor and professor in moral theology who has touched and transformed the lives of many.” Professed as a Redemptorist on March 22, 2003, he was ordained a priest on March 25, 2008. Before joining the Redemptorist, he had finished his medical studies and immediately passed the Board examinations.

    He held two doctorates, as a medical doctor and later secured his PhD in Moral Theology at the Jesuit School of Theology in Berkeley. He had been teaching Moral Theology subjects at the St. Alphonsus Theological and Mission Institute in Davao City for the past decade. He has mentored many SATMI students for their synthesis papers and dissertations. He has also been giving talks at various fora and conferences.

    But for us Redemptorists, he was a well-loved confrere-brother. Much younger that those of us who are years older than him, he followed-up our health bulletins to make sure we did our regular medical check-up and followed doctors’ orders for medication.  As we shared the same kidney problems – and years after I began my dialysis in 2016 he also began to undergo the hemodialysis procedure – we constantly were in touch with the progress of our medication.

    When I had my life-threatening health issue last November, he was first to make sure I had the needed medical intervention. Up until I was released from the hospital – after a gruelling three-week stay in two hospitals – he made sure I had the best medical treatment. At the infirmary of the HRPC, he did his best to monitor the caregivers so that they offered the best help to those of us who have been sick.

    One can get used to the easy and secured manner that he looked after all of us that we can now ask the question: what happens now that he is gone? His death comes at a not so opportune time, given the changes of our assignments starting on May 1. In the list of assignments issued by our superiors after Palm Sunday, his name appeared as the next Rector of HRPC.  Those of us who were going to stay here at the HRPC were all delighted with this news and we looked forward to being with him as our Rector.

    When death claims a loved one, the heart constricts and one is at a loss of words. This is especially so if death – like a thief in the night – comes so unexpectedly! The benefit of a long illness is that we are prepared for the eventually if the loved one finally takes a step towards eternity. There is grief but a sudden death is something else; it pierces the heart as heavier emotions flood our thoughts and feelings.

    No matter if words of comfort are immediately relayed by friends and – even as confreres tighten their ranks for mutual support in this time of bereavement – the pain is deep and might linger on for a while. One can seek solace in tears and prayers and the thought that – with God’s mercy – Fr. Fons is now in a much more peaceful, happier and painless space reserved for those whose life was lived fully!

     Parting – Shakespeare once wrote – is such sweet sorrow!  But it takes on an added shade of sadness if the loved one does not get a chance to say goodbye. Lucky are we if there are premonitions of Death arriving at our doorstep; but oftentimes, our intuitions do not work. Even if we are staying in the same monastery and our rooms are just a few meters away, I have taken it for granted that I will bump into him every day.

    The last two weeks are a blur of shallow memories. On Holy Tuesday, we had taken the car, together with two ICM nuns to go to San Carlos Major Seminary for a forum on Synodality. He had arranged the sandwiches we were to share at the forum. On Holy Thursday, he joined the community for our penitential rite. On Good Friday – after I and two companions went on a visita iglesia, I met him at the corridor when we came home and casually told him our visita iglesia was most interesting.

    He had reminded me that after the Holy Saturday Easter vigil we were going to have a Gaudeamus, but the following morning as I greeted him Happy Easter I told him I couldn’t join the Gaudeamus because of my dialysis schedule. During our Easter celebration evening of Easter Sunday, he had taken full responsibility preparing the sumptuous meal and even hiding Easter eggs and chocolate for us to find in different parts of the common room. One could tell he was delighted that we all enjoyed the search for the eggs and chocolates!

    I didn’t get to thank him for the lavish meal as I needed to leave the celebration earlier due to my dialysis session. The following morning he had gone early for his dialysis procedure so I didn’t get to meet him and since I didn’t join the picnic, I was not there when the accident took place. Last time I met him was at the Coronary Care Unit of Chung Hua Hospital last Thursday, April 13, after my own medical check-up. He was unconscious and I couldn’t stay too long in the room as I was very much affected by how he looked.

    We stormed the heavens for God’s mercy so Fr. Fons could be healed. And when the doctors gave their diagnosis of the extent of the brain damage we prayed for a miracle to Our Mother of Perpetual Help!  Each day since Monday, we had waited in  bated breath for the next medical report on how he was surviving. Until finally, the sad news came at dawn today. It seems as if Fr. Fons was just waiting for his sister Sharmaine to arrive from the US so they could still have a few hours together before his departure.

    When I met Sharmaine hours later at breakfast, I embraced her so that I could condole her. But I couldn’t control my tears so she  instead was the one who comforted me. His remains will be cremated tonight and will be brought to their home in Mandaue where the will hold the wake from April 17 to 19. After that his remains will be transferred to the Redemptorist church where the wake is scheduled on  April 19 to 22, after which it will be interred at our parcel of land at the Caretas Cemetery.

    At this juncture, part of what we – the ones left behind – grapple with is to find meaning in the occurrence of an unexpected death. For some time now, I have thought that there comes a time in our lives when we become much more conscious that we are on borrowed time; that we have entered a pre-departure area and we can only be at peace if we realize that each day is a gift and needs to be lived to the full! There much be deep meanings why we are gifted with life even as this can just snap out any second. But perhaps the meaning is as simple as what Franz Kafka had written: “The meaning of life is that it stops!”

     We are still in the Easter Week and we believers are supposedly reminded that our life is like a seed; it is sown at one moment, and if lived well could produce so much fruit but only to fade away in some future time. However, as we are promised by no less than the Redeemer who offered his life so we may have life everlasting, we have no reason to fear death. And every step leading us to eternity should be taken with a deep confidence that the end of the journey is the home that we are all destined to reach when time is up!

    And in that place out there beyond the skies which Fr.  Fons right now has claimed as his own, a grand welcome awaits him and us who will follow in the fullness of time. And one is consoled at the thought that this is a truly delightful place with flowers and food, laughter and good cheer, with music and dance – all the good things that one associates with the plentiful blessings!

    And Kahlil Gibran gives us this assurance:  “For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun? And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.”

    May the light and joy that Fr. Fons  left this world radiate through us as we continue to carry and share his beautiful memories. 

  • Death is never the end

    Death is never the end

    April 7, 2023 – Good Friday of the Lord’s Passion

    Click here for the readings (https://bible.usccb.org/bible/readings/040723.cfm)

    “It is finished.” These were the last words of Jesus as he bowed down and completely handed over his spirit to the Father. The scenes of betrayal, denials, tortures, insults, humiliations and indifference towards him were overwhelming. Yet, Jesus remained silent in many instances to allow humanity to look at the growing hatred in the hearts of many and to recognize as well how God patiently gazed at each of us, calling us to that kind of loving and self-giving that is of complete madness.

    Yet, in this madness, we are spared from eternal death through the life, suffering and death of Jesus. This is what makes this horrible day turned into Good, because evil and death is to be overcome by love and life. Hence, we call this Good Friday.

    Indeed, Jesus suffered and Died. Jesus knew that he will suffer and die but at the beginning he did not know how he will it be. This was something that Jesus had a control but he let go of his power to have full control of his life. Jesus rather submitted himself to the will of his Father. He emptied himself, did not cling to his power and divinity, for us to be given life.

    God’s commitment to us and in our covenant with him, is so deep and great. God is most willing not just to become like us but also to suffer and to die like us and for us. But what is really sad, is that Jesus was a victim of an unjust political system, a victim of manipulation of the powerful in the society. He suffered because of the greed of the powerful. He died because of the corrupted heart of those in power.

    The Lord embraced suffering and death because that was his ultimate expression of “solidarity with the suffering.” His suffering and death was an insult to those who wanted to stay in power. The all-powerful God embraced human suffering and death to tell us that everything in this world will also end. No matter how much wealth and power we will have, those will come to an end.

    However, let us also remember that Jesus’ death was a REDEEMER’S PAYMENT. The punishment of human sin is eternal death and misery. But because of the death of Jesus, God paid our debt, so that we won’t have that eternal death and misery.

    Photo by Agree Portraits

    Remember again, the sin of Adam and Eve to become like God, was the image of the whole humanity’s sin to act like God and to be like God. Thus, Jesus’ death on a shameful cross broke also that separated us from the grace of God. Jesus brought us back again into God’s presence. Nevertheless, death is never the end. Suffering and death is not everything in this finite world. There is more, even beyond death.

    From here, we are called to silently gaze upon the cross, to look at Jesus and see ourselves. Yet, let us also look beyond, let us also see our families on that cross, our friends, our communities, our nation and world that is suffering and in need of redemption.

    Let our silence and God’s silence on the cross, bring us more into the heart of God that constantly calls us into life and freedom. Kabay pa.

  • THE END OF TIME IS A JOYFUL ONE

    THE END OF TIME IS A JOYFUL ONE

    November 13, 2022 – 33rd Sunday in Ordinary Time

    Click here for the readings (https://bible.usccb.org/bible/readings/111322.cfm)

    How would the end of time look like? What would happen to us and to the world? When the pandemic struck us in 2020, I have friends who really asked if that was the beginning of the end of time. Even in social media sites and radio stations, there were people who entertain such thought because of the massive anxiety it caused us and the millions of the lives lost in this pandemic growing daily. Indeed, it was terrifying and horrifying seeing dead bodies of covid patients wrapped and buried in mass graves in many countries, even here. Hence, many of us would perhaps express fear of the end of time and imagine the destruction of the world, that there will be calamities and unimaginable tragedies, that there will be great suffering, pain and death.

    Our readings this Sunday seemed to have the same horrifying images also. The first reading from the Book of Prophet Malachi prophesied about the destruction of the evildoers. In the Gospel of Luke, Jesus described the signs that will come like the powerful earthquakes, famines, plagues, wars, and persecutions.

    However, does the end of time really mean to be terrifying and horrifying for us? To answer this question let us see closely the prophesy of Prophet Malachi and the words of Jesus in the Gospel of Luke so that we too will be able to discover God’s invitation for us on this Sunday.

    The prophecy from the Book of Prophet Malachi was addressed to all the Israelites who have returned from exile. However, at their return the prophet saw how the leaders of the Jewish community had become corrupt, abusive and indifferent to the common people.

    Those words of destruction and death are meant for those who continually reject God and oppressed His people. Yet, the prophecy is also a hopeful promise to end the evil institution and the end of corruption and death. And for those who remained faithful and in friendship with God, the words of Malachi meant comfort and strength, for to them, the Lord will come to bring healing. And this will be the most wonderful and joyful time.

    In the Gospel of Luke, Jesus warns us of those who acted like a “god” and not to follow them because they only lead us to death and not to life. Jesus also reminds us of the sufferings in life that may come but he comforts us not to be terrified and not to be afraid. Jesus promises us with his presence abiding in us. He will never leave us alone. Jesus will walk with us and accompany us.

    Moreover, at the fulfillment of time, Jesus will be with us in person with his power and glory. And when he comes, Jesus will gather His people who believed in him and trusted him even in difficult times. His coming will be the end of the corrupt and the murderers. It will be a destruction of the powerful and arrogant, the ruthless and the violent.

    Now, the beautiful message lies here.  The message of comfort and strength, of joy and peace is for us who are waiting patiently for the end of time. This is what St. Paul tells us for us who believe in Jesus that the end of time is not something that we should be afraid. It is not a terrifying event but it will be the most joyful moment of our life. Meeting the Lord is a moment of fulfillment of all our hopes, prayers, desires and dreams.

    However, it will surely be a destruction to what is evil. It will be the most terrifying moment for those who continually reject God and for those who pretend and act like a god.

    With all of these, what can we do then, as we patiently wait for the second coming of Jesus? God in His generosity and love prepares us daily for that wonderful moment of our life. God prepares us by making Himself felt daily and in every moment and event in our life. Jesus reveals himself in us and through us. Indeed, Jesus’ words will not pass away, his promises will never fade. God is faithful and He is ever present with us. That is why, it is very important that we become discerning and welcoming of Jesus’ presence being revealed in us and around us.

     How do we do it then? Our prayers as constant communication with God, both individually and as a community, will help us to make ourselves open to God. When we pray, we allow God to transform us and transform the way we look at things, the way we judge things and people and our way of relating with others. Thus, the effect of constant talking and listening to God forms us to be more aware of His presence in our life. Prayer is here not about murmuring our memorized prayers and novenas but being able to talk to God, listen to him by being able to reflect and contemplate God’s voice and actions in our life.

     This calls us to recognize God in everyone and in everything. What would be its consequence now? When we grow tired from praying because our dreams and desires were not granted, remember that God never grows tired in making Himself known to us. God also reveals himself in moments of failures and defeats. When we become confused and doubtful of our faith, remember that God never surrenders on us. God makes himself known even in moments of our pain and suffering. When we feel that we are surrounded by evil, corruption and deaths, remember that God brings justice and makes himself bright even in the darkest part of our lives as Christians and members of our community.

     As we are about to end the liturgical calendar and begin the Season of Advent in few weeks’ time, let us make this week more wonderful and exciting. Let us intensify our “Wi-Fi connection” with God, by making our prayer frequent and sincere. Hopefully, this will lead each of us to see and feel the face of God among ourselves and even among those people who are not familiar to us and events that may be surprising and strange for us. In this way, we hope that we too will grow in our faith and become more excited in the end of time where we will certainly meet the Lord, who is the fulfillment of all our dreams and hopes. Kabay pa.

  • Of Life BEFORE Death

    Of Life BEFORE Death

    November 13, 2022 – 33rd Sunday in Ordinary Time

    Click here for the readings (https://bible.usccb.org/bible/readings/111322.cfm)

    Whenever death & disasters happen in our lives, we cannot help but raise the question about the end-time or the end of the world. Ever-present war, pandemic, famine, pestilence, super typhoons, tsunami, hunger, earthquakes, flooding, landslides, and countless death-crimes in life render us anxious and helpless towards our coming future. Our worries about the coming end-times are not only felt around us but also within us. We are not ignorant as to how it feels when our world seems have broken and ended whenever we experience heartache as to the death and loss of our loved ones, or failed in our studies, business endeavors, plans and dreams, or diagnose with serious illness and others. Even worse, Scripture and Jesus himself warns us of these coming end-times as inevitable and surely to happen to our human life.  

    Related with our uncertainty about end-time are the questions: “What’s the point? What’s the meaning of all these life-endeavors? Is there hope in life?” And above all, at its very heart, raises the question: “What now… and then? Is there Life AFTER Death?”

    A wise man once said: “The question should not be: ‘Is there life after death’ but rather ‘Is there life BEFORE death’?

    True enough, while life-disasters and death surely to happen in life, we should concern ourselves less about what happen to us after life, but rather more so concern about how we live our life before our inevitable death. Regardless whether there is life after death or not, we should never forget the fact that there is life before death that we are still now in. If we come to think of it, we are still now here alive for a reason and purpose to be in this world. It is for us now, as we live this life, to discover and fulfill in life our real reason and purpose to be and live. Our task and concern in life is to live our life now before death to the fullness of our very life-purpose.

    Life Before Death would also mean that the greatest loss in life is not death, but what dies inside us while we live. Sadly there are people nowadays who have reasons to die than to live, and people who are still alive but dying and already died inside. Though painful, confusing and disheartening, our experiences of disasters and loss should move us still alive to deeply discover and enable the very reason and meaning of our life-existence. For Jesus, life-death and disasters are not only about end-times or world’s end, but more so about the opportunity for us to testify, that is, to rise to the occasion,…. stand up and witness in life our faith in God through Him, and…. to live-up to our very life-purpose and reason in life.  In other words, Jesus is saying to us, that these things will surely happen to us, but with a reason and for a purpose. So, we should consider more our life now before death, rather than our life after death, and as He  promised,  “By your perseverance in life, you will secure your lives.”

    Practical advice then to ponder: Whenever disaster strikes and happens in life, ASK NOT , “Why is this happening TO me?” but rather, “why is this happening FOR me?” Because…. Asking, “why is this happening TO me?” leads to unhealthy self-doubt, blame, guilt, anger, and inner death. Asking, however, “why is this happening FOR me?” leads to meaning, purpose, challenge, responsibility, and resolution.

    As we grapple then with the concern about our experience of death & disasters in life, as  per advised,  ask not: “Why is this happening to me?”, “Is there life after death?” but rather ask,  “Why is this happening FOR me?”, “Is there life before death?”, “Do I have or am I having a life now before my death?”.  With this, we may be more hopefully grounded to live our lives by its very reason, meaning and purpose, as well as to be a living testimony and witness of our Christian faith, and God’s grace to our present world.

    May the Lord lead us to His fullness of life.

    So May it be. Amen.

  • They are in peace

    They are in peace

    November 2, 2022 – Commemoration of All the Faithful Departed

    Click here for the readings (https://bible.usccb.org/bible/readings/110222.cfm)

    In a public cemetery in my hometown, where my grandparents and relatives were buried, I remember when I was a boy, there was this woman, who would also visit a small grave. It was so small and definitely, a grave for a baby. But every year, during this All Soul’s Day, that lady would not fail to come to the grave, clean it, light a candle on it, like many of us would do. However, what made me remember her was the grief and sorrow that this lady would pour out for that grave. As far as I remember, she would be sobbing that everyone nearby could hear her wailing as if it was newly buried.

    She must be the mother of that baby buried in that grave. As I can remember what the grown-ups would say at that time, that lady lost her baby by miscarriage. She must have longed so much for the baby and perhaps was haunted by guilt for losing her baby while in her womb. Though her baby was buried for several years already, yet, the pain and sorrow in her heart remained.

    As the whole church commemorates today all the faithful departed, we traditionally visit the graves of our departed loved ones. This also becomes an occasion for family gathering and celebrations centered on the memories of our loved ones who have gone ahead of us.

    Indeed, there could be some who like that lady is being torn my sorrow and pain for losing someone so dear to us. Some could also feel the guilt for not doing anything we can while they were still alive. Some could also still find hatred and anger in their hearts for their dead relatives or family members because of the pain and trauma they also experienced while they were still alive. Thus, we hope to find peace and pray for peace for all the dead.

    Yes, this commemoration of all the faithful departed calls us to find peace, to pray for peace and hope for peace. The Book of Wisdom reminds us today that “the souls of the just are in the hand of God… they are in peace.” It is our hope that the souls of the dead may be justified by the mercy of God and be granted with eternal peace. This is the reason why we have the masses for the dead, remembering them on this day and anniversaries of their death to pray for them that they may be able to share the peace of the Risen Christ.

    And we who continue to journey on earth, we know that we are never permanent here and we are destined to share in the newness of life with Christ. While still here on earth, may we come to realize and find contentment in God and desire for nothing else, as the Psalm calls us today, “The Lord is my shepherd, there is nothing I shall want.”

    Indeed, Jesus in John’s Gospel, tells us today that we all belong to him. The Lord desires that we will remain in him and share in his blessed life. Jesus assures us, “I will not reject anyone who comes to me.” This tells us that the Lord God is mercy, Jesus is mercy.

    And so as we visit the graves of our loved ones and relatives today, may we be reminded as well of God’s desire for all of us that we shall live with Him where death has no more power, where grief and sorrow has no more grip on us, but only joy and peace. Kabay pa.